तब और अब

पहले भी जाती थी
शादी ब्याह शुभ कार्यों में
आज भी जाती हूँ
अन्तर सिर्फ़ इतना है
पहले मैं सबसे आगे रहती थी
आज सबसे पीछे
पहले लोग मुझे
सौभाग्यवती कहते
आज सौ को हटा
भाग्यवती भी नहीं कहते
कहते हैं तो बस
इसमे हर्ज़ ही क्या है
यह कर लो वह कर लो
सब कर लो यह न कहता कोई।

- कुसुम ठाकुर-

संस्मरण

एक बार एक पत्रिका के लिए मुझे कुछ लिखने को कहा गया। मैं बस इतना ही लिख पाई मैं क्या लिखूं मेरी तो लेखनी ही छिन गयी है। पर आज महसूस करती हूँ कि मुझे एक अलौकिक लेखनी और उस लेखनी के रचना की जिम्मेदारी दे दी गयी है। न जाने क्यों आज लिखने की इच्छा हो रही है।

मैं तो केवल अपनी अभिव्यक्ति किया करती थी लेखनी और लिखने वाला तो कोई और था। उसके सामने मैं अपने आप को उसकी सहचरी, शिष्या एवं न जाने क्या क्या समझ बैठती थी। क्या उनकी कभी कोई रचना ऐसी है जो मैंने शुरू होने से पहले तीन चार बार न सुनी हो, या यों कह सकती हूँ कि लगभग याद ही हो जाता था। एक एक पात्र दिमाग मे इस प्रकार बैठ जाते थे कि एक सच्ची घटना सी मानस पटल पर छा जाता था।

अदभुत कलाकार थे। एक कलाकार मे एक साथ इतने सारे गुण बहुत कम देखने को मिलता है। एक साथ लेखक निर्देशक, कलाकार सभी तो थे वो। मुझे क्या पता कि ऐसे आदमी का साथ ज्यादा दिनों का नहीं होता है। ऐसे व्यक्ति की भगवान को भी उतनी ही जरूरत होती है जितना हम मनुष्यों को। परन्तु यदि ईश्वर हैं और मैं कभी उनसे मिली तो एक प्रश्न अवश्य पूछूंगी कि मेरी कौन सी गल्ती की सज़ा उन्होंने मुझे दी है। मैंने तो कभी किसी का बुरा नहीं चाहा, न ही भगवान से कभी कुछ मांगी। मैं तो सिर्फ़ इतना चाही थी कि सदा उनका साथ रहे।

यह शायद किसी को अंदाज़ भी न हो कि मुझे हर पल हर क्षण उनकी याद आती है और मैं उन्ही स्मृतियों के सहारे जिंदा हूँ और अपनी जीवन नैया खिंच रही हूँ। उनका प्यार ही है जो मैं अपने आप को संभाल पाई। इतने कम दिनों का साथ फिर भी उन्होंने जो मुझे प्यार दिया, मुझ पर विशवास किया वह मैं किसे कहूं और कैसे भूलूँ ? मैं कैसे कहूं कि अभी भी मैं उन्हें अपने सपनों में पाती हूँ। मैं जब भी उनकी फोटो के सामने खड़ी हो जाती हूँ उस समय ऐसा महसूस होता है मानो कह रहे हों मैं सदा तुम्हारे साथ हूँ।

उनके जाने के बाद मैं ठीक से रो भी तो नहीं पाई। बच्चों को देखकर ऐसा लगा यदि मैं टूट जाउंगी तो उन्हें कौन सम्भालेगा। परन्तु उनकी एक दो बातें मुझे सदा रुला देतीं हैं। ऊपर से मजबूत दिखने या दिखाने का नाटक करने वाली का रातों के अन्धकार मे सब्र का बाँध टूट जाता है।

एक दिन अचानक बीमारी के दिनों मे इन्होने कहा " मेरे बाद तुम्हारा क्या होगा"? उनकी यह वाक्य जब जब मुझे याद आती है मैं मैं खूब रोती हूँ। क्यों कहा था ऐसा ? एक दिन अन्तिम कुछ महीने पहले बुखार से तप रहे थे। मैं उनके सर को सहला रही थी । अचानक मेरी गोद मे सर रख कर खूब जोर जोर से रोते हुए कहने लगे इतना बड़ा परिवार रहते हुए मेरा कोई नहीं है। मैं तो पहले इन्हें सांत्वना देते हुए कह गयी कोई बात नहीं मैं हूँ न आपके साथ सदा। परन्तु इतना बोलने के साथ ही मेरे भी सब्र का बाँध टूट गया और हम दोनों एक दूसरे को पकड़ खूब रोये। यह जब भी मुझे याद आती है मैं विचलित हो जाती हूँ। मुझे लगता है उनके ह्रदय मे कितना कष्ट हुआ होगा जो ऐसी बात उनके मुँह से निकली होगी।

वैसे मैं शुरू से ही भावुक हूँ परन्तु इनकी बीमारी ने जहाँ मुझे आत्म बल दिया वहीँ मुझे और भावुक भी बना दिया। मैं तो कोशिश करती कि कभी न रोऊँ पर आंसुओं को तो जैसे इंतज़ार ही रहता था कि कब मौका मिले और निकल पड़े। इनके हँसाने चिढाने पर भी मुझे रोना आ जाता था। एक दिन इसी तरह कुछ कह कर चिढा दिया और जब मैं रोने लगी तो कह पडे तुम बहुत सीधी हो तुम्हारा गुजारा कैसे चलेगा। शायद उन्हें मेरी चिंता थी कि उनके बाद मैं कैसे रह पाउंगी। उनके हाव भाव से यह तो पता चलता था कि वो मुझे कितना चाहते थे पर अभिव्यक्ति वे अपनी अन्तिम दिनों मे करने लगे थे जो कि मुझे रुला दिया करती थी। उनके सामने तो मैं हंस कर टाल जाती थी पर रात के अंधेरे मे मेरे सब्र का बाँध टूट जाता था और कभी कभी तो मैं सारी रात यह सोचकर रोती रहती कि अब शायद यह खुशी ज्यादा दिनों का नहीं है।

मुझे वे दिन अभी भी याद है। मैं उस दिन को कैसे भूल सकती हूँ । वह तो मेरे लिए सबसे अशुभ दिन था। वेल्लोर मे जब डॉक्टर ने मेरे ही सामने इनकी बीमारी का सब कुछ साफ साफ बताया था और साथ ही यह भी कहा कि इस बीमारी में पन्द्रह साल से ज्यादा जिंदा रहना मुश्किल है। यह सुनने के बाद मुझ पर क्या बीती यह मेरे भी कल्पना के बाहर है। आज मैं उसका वर्णन नहीं कर सकती। मैं क्या कभी सपने मे भी सोची थी कि उनका साथ बस इतने ही दिनों का था। उस रात उन्होंने तो कुछ नहीं कहा पर उनके हाव भाव और मुद्रा सब कुछ बता रहे थे। मैं उनके नस नस को पहचानती थी, या यों कह सकती हूँ कि हम दोनों एक दूसरे को अच्छी तरह पहचानते थे। उस रात बहुत देर से ही, ये तो सो गए पर मुझे ज़रा भी नींद नहीं आयी और सारी रात रोते हुए ही बीत गया।

लोग कहतें हैं कि भगवान जो भी करता है अच्छा ही करता है, पर मैं क्या कहूं मेरे तो समझ में ही कुछ नहीं आता? मैं कैसे विशवास करुँ कि उसने जो मेरे साथ किया वह सही है? मैं तो यही कहूँगी कि भगवान किसी को ज्यादा नहीं देता। उसे जब यह लगने लगता है कि अब ज्यादा हो रहा है तो झट उसके साथ कुछ ऐसा कर देता है जिससे फिर संतुलित हो जाता है। मेरे साथ तो भगवान ने कभी न्याय ही नहीं किया। आज तक मेरी एक भी इच्छा भगवान ने पूरी नहीं की या फिर यह कि मैंने एक ही इच्छा कि थी वो भी भगवान ने पूरी नहीं की। मैंने भगवान से सिर्फ़ इनका साथ ही तो माँगा था? पता नहीं क्यों मुझे शुरू से ही अर्थात बचपन से ही अकेलेपन से बहुत डर लगता था। ईश्वर की ऐसी विडंबना कि बचपन मे ही मुझे माँ से अलग रहना पडा। बाबुजी का तबादला गया से जनकपुर फिर अरुणाचल हो जाने की वजह से मुझे उनसे दूर अपनी मौसी चाचा के पास रहना पड़ा। तब से लेकर शादी तक माँ से अलग मौसी के पास रही। उस समय जब मुझे माँ के पास अच्छा लगता था उससे अलग रहना पडा। शादी के बाद लड़कियों को अपने पति के पास रहना अच्छा लगता है। उस समय मुझे कई कारणों से अपनी माँ के पास कई साल तक रहना पड़ा। पहले माँ के पास छुट्टियों मे जाने का इंतजार करती थी बाद मे इनके आने का इंतजार करने लगी। इसी तरह दिन कटने लगा और एक समय आया जब हम साथ रहने लगे। जो भी था चाहे पैसे की तंगी हो या जो भी हम अपने बच्चों के साथ खुश थे और हमारा जीवन अच्छे से व्यतीत हो रहा था। अचानक भगवान ने फिर ऐसा थप्पड़ दिया कि उसकी चोट को भुलाना नामुमकिन है। आज हमारे पास पैसा है घर है बाकी सभी कुछ है पर नही है तो मन की शान्ति, नहीं है तो साथ।

मित्रता

मित्रता

किसी ने कहा
वह मेरा दोस्त है
मेरे बचपन का साथी
हम साथ पढ़े और बढे हैं
क्या इस उम्र मे अब
ऐसा साथी बन सकता है
मैं बोली यह न है सच
साथी या दोस्त
कब कहाँ मिल बन जाए
कहना बहुत मुश्किल है
हाँ सच्चा दोस्त
केवल किस्मत वालों
को ही मिलता है
चाहे बचपन मे मिले
या बुढापे मे।

-कुसुम ठाकुर-

सुरक्षा नाटक

राक्षस की भूमिका में श्री लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर

लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर का नाट्य के प्रति अभिरुचि तो बचपन से रही और अपने स्कूल के दिनों से ही नाटक करते आए परन्तु जमशेदपुर आने के बाद अपने नाट्य लेखन, निर्देशन एवं अभिनय की शुरुआत सुरक्षा नाटक से की। टिस्को में सुरक्षा के प्रति जागरूकता लाने के लिए प्रतिवर्ष सुरक्षा नाटक का आयोजन होता था जिसका मंचन प्रत्येक विभाग के कर्मचारी और अधिकारी मिलकर करते थे। करीब एक महीने तक यह प्रतियोगिता चलती थी और सबसे अच्छे दो नाटकों को पुरष्कृत किया जाता था।

जमशेदपुर में सुरक्षा नाटक इतना नीरस होता था कि बहुत कम लोग उस नाटक को देखने जाते थे। बस कुछ अपने विभागीय एवम् कुछ दूसरे विभाग के प्रतियोगी जिन्हें अपने विभाग के नाटक की तुलना दूसरे विभाग से करना होता था ही इस नाटक को देखने जाते थे। यहाँ तक कि नाटक मंचन पर खर्च भी बहुत ही कम किया जाता था और बिल्कुल साधारण सा प्रेक्षागृह में नाटक का मंचन होता था जो अपने अपने विभाग को वहन करना पङता था।

टिस्को में पद भार संभालने के बाद पहले साल ही श्री ठाकुर ने अपने विभाग के नाटक में अभिनय एवं उसके सम्वाद में फेर बदल किया और सर्वश्रेष्ट अभिनेता का पुरस्कार प्राप्त किया। दूसरे वर्ष विभागीय अधिकारियों ने जब श्री ठाकुर से नाटक के निर्देशन का अनुरोध किया तो उन्होंने साफ शब्दों में कहा कि नाटक तो वो करवा सकते हैं परन्तु वे ख़ुद की लिखी हुई नाटक का मंचन करेंगे, दूसरा रविन्द्रभवन जो कि जमशेदपुर का सबसे अच्छा प्रेक्षागृह था उसी में करेंगे। अधिकारियों ने मान ली और उस वर्ष सुरक्षा नाटक बड़ी धूम धाम से मनाई गयी। पुरस्कार सारा श्री ठाकुर एवं उनके नाटक को ही मिला। उस नाटक में श्री ठाकुर ने राक्षस की भूमिका निभाई थी। उस वर्ष के बाद सुरक्षा नाटक देखने के लिए लोगों की भीड़ उमड़ पड़ती थी और फिर सुरक्षा नाटक भी मनोरंजक बन गया।

मेरा साथी

मेरा साथी

मुझे मिला एक साथी
थी जिस पर न्योछावर
रात दिन मैं उसकी
सपनों मे रहती थी डूबी
एक तो वो विद्वान
और मैं अनपढ़ नादान
दूजे मैं ऐसी प्रतिभा
न देखी फिर
सुनी तो फिर भी कभी कभी
पर जब तक उसके मोल को
मैं समझ और सहेज पाती
वह देकर धोखा मुझे
चला गया किसी और देश
जहाँ से न कोई लौटा है
और ख़बर ही भेजा है ।

-कुसुम ठाकुर -

Happy Anniversary

DEAR

ANU & VICKIE

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY


जीवन में रही सदा खुश, अछि इ हमर कामना।
पग पग चली सदा सँग, अछि इ हमर भावना।

अहाँ दुनु गोटे सदिखनि अहिना संग आ खुश रही, हमर यैह कामना अछि। हमर आर्शीवाद अहाँ सब केर संग सदिखन रहत।

- MUMMY -
18 MAY 2009

एक कलाकार को श्रधांजलि

श्री लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर

हर वर्ष मैं श्री लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर का जन्मदिवस अलग अलग ढंग से मानती आई हूँ। कभी विकलांगों के बीच समय बिताकर,कभी निःशुल्क चिकित्सा का आयोजन कर , कभी अनाथालय के बच्चों के बीच खेल कूद प्रतियोगिता का आयोजन कर , तो कभी दरिद्र नारायण भोज का आयोजन कर। पर मेरी ह्रदय से इच्छा थी कि कम से कम एक बार मैं उनकी लिखी नाटक का मंचन करवाऊं। अर्थात आयोजन एवं निर्देशन दोनों ही मैं करुँ। श्री लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर एक अच्छे नाटककार के साथ, निर्देशक, गीतकार, एवं एक अच्छे अभिनेता भी थे जिन्हें रंगकर्मी कभी भूल नहीं सकते। पेशा से अभियंता होते हुए, नाटक एवं कला के प्रति उनकी असीम अभिरुचि थी। वे सदा अपनी मौलिक रचना का ही मंचन किया करते थे। उन्होंने कई हिन्दी एवं मैथिलि नाटक लिखी है। उनकी कई मैथिलि नाटक को अन्तराष्ट्रीय स्तर पर पुरस्कृत किया गया।" लोंगिया मिरचाइ "नाटक को कई अंतर्राष्ट्रीय मैथिलि नाटक प्रतियोगिता में पुरस्कार प्राप्त हुआ। ऐसे कलाकार के लिए इससे अच्छी श्रधांजलि क्या हो सकती है कि उन्हीं की लिखी हुई नाटक का मंचन उनके जन्म दिवस पर किया जाए। उनका जन्म ५ फरवरी तिथि नरकनिवारण को हुआ था और ५ फरवरी २००८ को भी नरकनिवारण चतुर्दशी था अतः यह मेरे लिए बहुत ही महत्वपूर्ण दिन था। मैं ने नाटक का आयोजन एवं निर्देशन किया जो दर्शकों को काफी पसंद आया।

दीप प्रज्वलित करते मुख्य अतिथि टाटा स्टील के V.P. श्री हृदेश्वर झा दर्शक दीर्घा

मुख्य अतिथि का भाषण विशिष्ट अतिथि श्री दयानाथ झापहला दृश्य (घूटर) दिवाकर और घूटर

आज का अन्तिम पड़ाव

हम हैं राही इस युग के,
चलते हम रहे, मुडते हम रहे।
हर एक कदम के बाद मुड़े,
हर एक कदम के बाद रुके।


हमारा पहला कदम जब उठा ,
यह सोच के कि यह है सही ,
हम पहुँच गए सच्चाई के घर ।
पर वह मुझे नहीं भाया,
और मुड़कर ज्यों पीछे देखा,
दिख गया मुझे आशा की किरण ।
लगा यह मरे लिये ही बना ,
पर यह तो था परोपकार का घर ,
यह क्यों कर मुझे भाये ।
एक बार फिर पीछे जब मुडा,
लगा यही वह, मैं जो चाहूँ ,
यह तो था इन्साफ का घर।
इस घर में बस यात्री भर रहा ,
अन्तिम बार पीछे जब मुडा ,
पहुँच गया जनता के बीच ।


बस यही तो है अपना मुकाम ,
चलते चलते मुझे पड़ाव मिला ,
न मैं मुडू, न ही रुकूं।
बस मैं चलूँ चलता रहूँ ।

-कुसुम ठाकुर-

अपना

अपना

चाहे तुम कितना झुठलालो,

अपना तो बस अपना है।

कुछ भी कर लो ख़ुशी मना लो ,

पर अपनों की याद न छूटे,

अपनों से कितना भी रूठो ,
अपनों के साथ ही रुचे।

अपने देश की बात क्या कहना,
पास अगर तो मोल न समझें,
दूर हुए तो मन भर आये ,
उसकी मिट्टी को भी तरसें ।

-कुसुम ठाकुर-

Half Century

Pune



This is my 50th blog, since HOLI is approaching, so I am writing about one of my memorable HOLI. I use to enjoy holi but now I don't.


After marriage that was my first Holi with my in-laws. We went to Madhubani around three days before HOLI. Both my sons were very small at that time. As that was my first Holi at my in-laws place, so all brothers, sisters and cousins of my husband were prepared to play Holi with me and they had decided to put mud varieties of colors paints on me.


My brother-in-law(नंदोसी) and sister-in-law(ननद) were also there. Although my brother-in-law is a very cool person but both my sister-in-law were prepared with their friends to play holi with me. After knowing their preparation I was scared, so I thought it was safe to be with my mother-in-law in the kitchen.


On the festival day I got up early in the morning as usual, after tea got my sons ready for holi. Then took my bath and did my pooja. It is my habit to do my pooja early in the morning on the HOLI day and put gulal to every one in the house after that I start my special cooking for that day. Since I was in Madhubani, so my mother-in-law use to direct me and I use to cook or help her.


After my pooja I went to give my husband tea and put gulal to him. After tea he told me to be careful because no one will spare me today. Hearing this I decided to be in the kitchen with my mother-in-law, then no one will come in the kitchen.


I was busy in the kitchen, so when ever someone asked for me, my husband use to tell them or my brother-in-law told them I was in kitchen. Till 12O'clock this happened, only both my sister-in-law, my husband and my brother-in- law put some gulal on me. I was happy and at about 1p:m I thought to go and have bath again. As I came out of my kitchen the whole gang came and they put all types of mud, colors, paints etc. on me. I was helpless and I surrendered my self. After putting colors all went and told they will come in the evening to put gulal. Oh my god, it was smelling so bad that I went straight to the bathroom and had my bath.


After every one was ready we had our nice lunch and went to rest for some time. In the evening we use to wear new clothes, so all of us wore new clothes. My sister-in law, elder one came to me with a glass of thandai and told me to drink. I told her that I still feel the smell of mud and colors. I took that and while drinking I realized it was bhang. I told her I will not have that but both the sisters and my husband forcibly made me drink.


In Holi, people go to meet each other in the evening too, so people were visiting our house too. I was very tired, my husband told me to make roti for him, so I when I went in the kitchen my mother-in-law was also there. She told me even she wanted to have roti and went out of the kitchen. I took out wheat flour and started kneading it. I don't remember what I thought and happened to me. By the time my mother in law came I had put lots of water in the flour and was sitting there.As I saw her I went to my bed room and straight on the bed. After that I don't remember any thing.


In the morning when I got up and went in the kitchen, seeing me my mother-in-law was smiling. She told me to have some food. I thought what happened, why she was asking me like that? She then told me you did a nice drama in the night and told me the whole story.


She told me after putting lots of water I went on bed but after sometime she called me, but I didn't listen her, so my husband came in the room and when he told me to go I just refused and told him I was very hungry. "Maa didn't gave me anything to eat I was hungry since morning", so he understood that due to that bhang I was talking like that and called his mother even in front of her I saying that. Now my mother-in-law asked me to come in the kitchen and gave me a plate full of nice food and told me to give that to my brother-in-law and told me to take my plate too. I took only my brother-in-law's plate and went to my room and ate all. Seeing that my husband called everyone to see it. After I ate the whole food I slept.


In the morning everyone was laughing at me and saying have some food I must be hungry. My mother-in-law scolded my sister-in-law and even my husband for that. I always remember that HOLI.

Birthday Of A Special Person

Jamshedpur

Today is 5th of February, birthday of my husband Mr. Lallan Prasad Thakur. He was born on 5th of February and according to Hindu calender that day was Narak Nivaran Chaturdashi, Birthday of God Shankar. It is an auspicios day for Hindus. Every year I celebrate both the days. On Narak Nivaran I have a fast and go to the temple, but I like to celebrate 5th of February as a memorable day. Every year I celebrate this day in different ways. Last year Narak Nivaran Chaturdashi again was on 5th of February. So, it was a very special day for me and for L.P.Thakur Smrity Nyas. A trust which I formed in my husband's name.I organized and directed a Maithili play on 5th of February last year, which was written by Mr. Thakur. I tried my best to direct it and put all the skills which I learned being his wife and critic. The play was successfully staged and liked by the audience.

Today I organized a free medical camp for those who are suffering by leprosy. There is a colony in Burmamines area of Jamshedpur for leprosy people. I am very thankful to my brother-in-law Dr. Binod Kumar Thakur who always supports me in this kind of social work. He is always ready to give his valuable time for this kind of work. But he always says that LPT(this is what all my brothers and sisters called Mr. L.P.Thakur) was not only my brother-in-law, he was much more than that. He comes all the way from Dhanbad to Jamshedpur for free medical camp whenever I organize.

My brother-in-law Sallanji chose this place for today's medical camp. One day while discussing about the venue and activity for 5th of February this year, he told me that it was a very good place for this type of social work. So one day I went to see that place with Sallanji and we decided to do a medical camp on 5th February followed by lunch for the people of that colony. We told them and came to know that they had their cook and wanted to cook them selves. So we asked them for the list of cooking materials and after obtaining that we returned back.

Today went there with doctors and medicines in the morning. The people were waiting there for us eagerly. As we reached there we could see their smiling faces. At least 50 patients and two three cooks were waiting there. As we reached there first we gave them the cooking materials and then doctors started examining the patients. I felt very sorry seeing them in such a miserable condition. Any how Binodji told us after examining them they need an eye camp and told us to contact a primary health center because they can provide medicines for their decease which he saw in children there. He told us that WHO provides medicines for this decease. So, now we have decided to contact the local primary health center for the same and our next camp will be eye camp.

The check up was over at 3 pm and the food was also ready, so we told them to sit and start their lunch. We returned back and was very satiafied and will remember this birthday of Mr. Thakur too.

SANKALP DIWAS GEET

Jamshedpur

Millions of people of Mithila were involved in a drive for inclusion of Maithili language in eight schedule for years. In 1981 millions letter were sent from all over India in postcards by Maithili speaking people to the Prime minister of India, Mrs. Indira Gandhi in request.


Maithili speaking people of Jamshedpur also participated in that drive and sent postcards to the Prime minister. A cultural programme "Sankalp Diwas" was also organized by my husband Mr. Lallan Prasad Thakur. That was the first musical programme of Mr. Thakur in Jamshedpur. It was a Maithili musical night on orchestra. Its lyrics was composed by Mr. Thakur and the music was also directed by him. He was the main singer of that program. Before that I had not seen any Maithili orchestra, even the opening song was also written and sung by Mr. Thakur. The song was composed on 10th May 1981 :

"संकल्प दिवस गीत "


संकल्प लिय संकल्प लिय
संकल्प लिय यो ,
बाजब मैथिली मिथिलाक लेल जियब यो....
संकल्प ......... 2।


शांतिमय प्रयास हमर ई
सुनिलीय देशक नेता...३
सूचि अष्टम में स्थान दियो
आरो नै किछु कहब यो ....
संकल्प .....२


लाखक लाख पत्र जाइत अछि
आंखि खोलि क देखू ...३
आबि गेल समय इंदिरा जी मिथिलाक मान राखू ....३
संघर्ष बढ़त जं बात ने मानबै
आरो ने हम सहब यै।

संकल्प .......3

-लल्लन प्रसाद ठाकुर-

BIRTHDAY

Jamshedpur


My mother-in-law use to say there are two most important festival now a days, people have forgotten other festivals. The number one is "Wedding Anniversary" and second one "Birthday" and we use to laugh. It is true, but now, these are the days on which people get chance to celebrate and organize a get together. People think celebrating festival is a waste of time, some say those days people had time, so they use to celebrate so many festivals. It is a fact that people had time those days but even now people can spare at least some time.

Now a days people have confined them selves, so the definition of festival have also changed. Festival means:" to celebrate and meet people to share joys". It makes people closer. Why people go to their homes or to their parents in festivals? They want to spend some time with their family and celebrate, so it is done in form of festival.


Now a days life has become so fast that people don't get time even to sit and talk to their family or enjoy with their family and children, neither they get time to have meals together. This is my feeling, must be I am wrong.


Today is 5th January and it use to be a special day for me. Every year since 1977-1992 I use to celebrate my husband's birthday on this day. In 1992 it was revealed that his birthday was on 5th February (Naraknivaran Chaturdashi) not on 5th January, since in the school register it was 5th January , so in all the official record it was 5th January. After that we use to celebrate on both the days. We use to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries by offering pooja and sweets and in the evening some close friends were invited.

A Mother And A Grandmother

Jamshedpur


Today I returned back to Jamshedpur. Today is a very special day for me, I became mother-in-law on 8th of December in 2003. My elder son Bhaskar (Puttu) got married on this day with Shweta, so today is their 5th Anniversary.I called them to wish on phone from the train, they are in Goa. I blessed them and prayed God to keep them always happy together.


Why is it called that a mother-in-law is "like a mother" or a daughter-in-law is" like a daughter". Why is it called "like"? Why this relation has to be proved? Why the daughter-in-laws are not comfortable with their in-laws? Same for in-laws, why can't they treat their daughter-in law like their daughter? It's a very sentimental issue for a mother-in-law. A girl who is born and brought up in a family who means everything for her leaves that house and comes to accept and live to a new family.


I have two sons but after their marriage I got two sweet, nice daughters too. I am saying with my inner heart, it's not that it is said so I am saying, I am feeling it. Both of them loves me and cares for me. I also love them.


But after your sons or daughters are married their are some expectations, at least for mothers. You expect a grand child but now a days no one has time so it is also planned. Some people give least or a last priority to it. But if you don't have your own child on time, you are missing a very precious moment. But now you can't force any one for any thing. Now every thing is personal.

A Letter By A Father To His Son

जमशेदपुर हमारे दोनों बेटों का जन्म जमशेदपुर में हुआ है। बड़े बेटे के जन्म के समय उसके पापा यानि मेरे पति पटना में थे। एक बार जब मेरा बड़ा बेटा भास्कर(पुत्तु) करीब दो साल का था तथा छोटे बेटे का जन्म ही हुआ था, उस समय मेरे पति जमशेदपुर हमलोगों से मिलने आए और एक दो दिनों के बाद जब जाने लगे तो पुत्तु अपने पापा को जाने नहीं देना चाह रहा था, बहुत मुश्किल से छुप कर वो गए। उनके जाने के बाद यदि कोई उससे कहता कि पापा ठग कर चले गए तो उसे अच्छा नहीं लगता और कहता नहीं ठग कर नहीं गए बोलकर गए हैं। उस ज़माने में फ़ोन तो बहुत कम लोगों के पास होता था, इसलिए चिट्ठी का ही सहारा था। पहुँचने पर उन्होंने बेटे पुत्तु को एक चिट्ठी लिखी जिसे वो सदा अपने साथ ही रखता था। यहाँ तक कि सोते समय भी वो अपने तकिया के नीचे ही रखता था। सो कर उठता तो पहले उस चिट्ठी को ही ढूंढ ता। वह चिट्ठी इस प्रकार है:

पुत्तु बेटे,पुत्तु बेटे, 

क्या करते हो लेटे-लेटे , 

पापा की आयी है चिट्ठी, 

मांगें हैं वो खट्टी मीठी। 

कहतें हैं वो रंज न करना, 

छोटे से तुम जंग न करना, 

मम्मी को तुम तंग न करना, 

कभी न छूना धूल औ मिट्टी, 

पापा की आयी है चिट्ठी। 

आते समय पापा लायेंगे,

तुम्हारे लिए निनी बू, नोनेंज, 

और आयीनन पत्ता।

निनी बू वो नाईस बिस्किट nice biscuit को कहता था, नोनेंज orange को कहता था तथा आयीनन पत्ता new dress को कहता था। जो तीनो उसे बहुत पसंद था।

A Doctor Whom I Admire

Jamshedpur


In 1990 Mr.Thakur fell ill and had very high fever, so he had to be admitted in the hospital. The very next day his fever was down but doctors told him to stay for two more days so that he can have some blood tests etc. So, the tests were done and the doctors told us that in the evening we can have the reports and then he will be discharged. So after his lunch I went home and came with his clothes etc. As I went to the hospital I thought he will be eagerly waiting for me to take him home. But after reaching there I came to know that he has to stay there for few more days because his hemoglobin was only 7% and now they wanted to investigate the reason. That day was the last day of my happy cheerful life. After two three days when the required investigation was done, the doctor discharged him and told him to come after two weeks for review.


After two weeks we again went to the hospital, the doctor suggested for some blood tests and after seeing the report told us that they were not able to diagnose the decease, so they will have to do the bone marrow, so it is better to go to Vellore. The doctor referred Mr. Thakur to Vellore .


That time my elder son was in standard 9th, and younger in standard 8th. When it was decided to go to Vellore, I informed my parents and they came to Jamshedpur. My father told me that he will also go with us and my mother will stay with children at Jamshedpur. So myself, my husband and my father went to Vellore for the treatment.


I pray God that the time I spent during our stay at Vellore never comes to any one's life. We reached Vellore in the evening, so first of all we checked in to a hotel and after that we went to see the hospital and inquire about the registration etc. The next day in the morning first we went to the hospital and Mr. Thakur was admitted to the hospital, he was allotted a cabin and was told that he will be in Dr. Kurian's unit, who was one of the best gastroentrologist of India and head of the department of gastroentrology in CMCH. Really I have not met such a nice, humble doctor or as a person till now. Every time he use to come for his visit to the cabin with smiling face and was never in hurry. He use to first sit on the attendant's bed which was beside the patients bed and then ask and examine. The doctors of CMCH Vellore are really very dedicated but Dr. Kurian was unique.


Dr. Kurian with team of his doctors came in the cabin and examined him soon after he was admitted and prescribed several investigations. The next day we were busy in investigations. In the evening again some investigations were prescribed by the doctor. This way one week passed in anticipation that doctor will say now the investigations are over and you may go home. Every day while leaving my hotel I use to think that "to-day he will be discharged".


For first two three days, everyday in the night after Mr. Thakur's dinner I use to go to the hotel with my father, which was near the hospital and use to come to the hospital at 6o'clock in the morning. I never slept in the night till I was in Vellore. The nights were very big for me during those period. I use to get up after every 1/2 hrs. or 45minutes and go to the bath room and see the time because I didn't wanted my father to be disturbed.


After seven days almost all the investigations were done, so I was very happy and thought that now they will not do the bone marrow and now we can go home. On 8th or 9th day doctor came in morning as his regular visit and went back. After some time one of his junior doctor called me in the doctors room. I went, he then asked me, "do you have anyone with you", I simply replied that my father was with me. So, the doctor asked his age and I replied he is more than sixty. Now the doctor asked me, "can you donate blood? We are going to do your husband's bone marrow which is very painful and your husband's blood count is very low, so he needs blood transfusion first". I agreed and the doctor gave me a form and asked me to go to the blood bank and donate blood.


Without going to my husband's cabin or without telling him, I went straight to the blood bank. I showed the form to the doctor there and the doctor took me and told me to sit on a chair.I sat there and after some time the doctor came and took me inside a huge hall. There I saw many beds and on all the beds, people were donating blood. I was very scared of injection and it was blood donation which I had heard that it takes time. So before they injected and started taking my blood I was very scared. I was thinking what will happen if I faint on the bed, who will donate blood for my husband but after sometime I was comfortable.


After I was comfortable, I had confidence that now I will not faint on the bed, so I started talking with the nurse who was attending me. First thing I asked her," will this blood be given to my husband"? She told me no, "he will get the blood of his group, which we have in our bank". Now I was very upset and tense too, because I had heard that the blood which were donated were not tested for HIV there, so the hospital only takes the blood of relatives who use to come with the patients as an attendant. Now I told the nurse that my blood group and my husband's blood group was same and asked her to write the name of the donor and the patient on the blood, so that my husband gets the same blood which I had donated. The nurse said that it was not possible. I requested her but she didn't agree. The nurse called the incharge of that blood bank on my request and he also told me that it was not possible. I was very much upset and requested the incharge to at least write my name on the blood pouch. I had seen the sticker on the pouch. He told me that they write the blood group, the donors name and date on it. Again I requested him to keep the blood for at least few hours and not give the blood to another patient. I also told him that I am going to request Dr. Kurian for it. So, hearing Dr. Kurian's name the in- charge told me OK, we will keep it.


The nurse came near me and took out the needle from my hand and told me to be there for at least fifteen minutes. As the nurse went I quickly got up and after wearing my sandal left the place. While leaving I saw a nurse bringing tea and calling me to have tea and then go, but I didn't listen to her nor waited there for a moment. Since I was there for 8-9 days and everyday had to go to Dr. Kurian so I knew where doctor should be at that time. I went straight to the ward where I expected Dr. Kurian but he was not there and the ward doctor told me and directed me to another ward. I went there almost running but all in vain, Dr. Kurian was not there even. When I reached that ward by the time I was exhausted thirsty and very tensed. Anyone could know seeing my face and speaking to me. I met a junior doctor as I entered the ward, who use to come with Dr. Kurian. First thing I asked the doctor was:" excuse me where is Dr. Kurian"? the doctor looked at my face and said :"what happened" ? I said "nothing but I need Dr. Kurian's help, so tell me where he is." The doctor looked at me and asked the nurse to give me water. He told me to drink water and sit there, he will call Dr. Kurian there. Immediately he took out his pager and paged the message. Then he asked me my problem. I told him, as I was to finish I saw Dr. Kurian coming. I immediately went to him and told him the whole thing. He immediately assured me not to worry and said:"your blood will be given to your husband" and he himself picked up the phone and instructed the incharge of the blood bank to send the same blood to the cabin of Mr. Thakur which I had donated. He then told me to go to the cabin and the blood transfusion will be done in the evening. I had no words to thank him.


The blood was sent to the cabin in the evening and transfusion was done at night. It was over in the mid night. The very next day again Dr. Kurian came in the morning and instructed the doctor and nurse and me about the medication and food and told that the next day bone marrow will be done.


The next day as usual at about 9o'clock in the morning Dr. Kurian came with his team of doctors and with his smile told that now they will do the bone marrow. I was told to wait out side, so I and my father went outside and they started their job. We were standing outside and waiting doctors to come out. Suddenly I heard a sound that made me cry but I controlled my self, but I felt that every thing was dark in front of me. I again controlled my self, it came in my mind that my father was near me, so I went and sat on a chair. After a while doctors came and told us to go inside, their work was over. When I entered the room Mr. Thakur was lying on the bed but he could not control him self and was crying. He told me "jaan le liya". I cannot describe what I felt that time alone there. No one was there to console me, my father was there but how could I tell him about my feelings.


The very next day Dr. Kurian came with his team of doctors and report. He first came and asked Mr. Thakur about how he was feeling, then after talking with him and me he came to the point and told us about the bone marrow report. The first thing he told us that your bone marrow report shows that your cells are malignant. That time I did not knew what was malignant and what Dr. Kurian wanted to say. Only I could know that some thing was wrong with the report. After that he told us since it was oncology department case, so he was referring it to oncologist. Now I could judge the situation and could not think what to speak, answer or ask any thing to the doctor. After explaining every thing and instructing his junior doctors to prepare papers for oncology department, he went. Mr. Thakur was discharged and told to visit oncology department. We went to our hotel.


The next day we had our appointment with Dr. Prasad an oncologist in the evening . My self and Mr. Thakur went to Dr. Prasad. He had all the reports in front of him. He did not ask much, he only explained the disease. The word he told in front of me, no wife can expect that. Still when ever I remember that day and those words I am very upset. The doctor told my husband in front of me that in this disease life is maximum fifteen years. He advised some more investigations and told us to stay some more days but it can be done staying outside the hospital, so we went to our hotel. Both of us were silent but we could know each others feelings. Whole night we did not speak a word to each other. Mr. Thakur slept very late in the night but I could not sleep for a minute. In the morning we went to the hospital on time.


After some investigation Dr. Prasad told us that if needed blood count should be replaced, so some one should be ready for donating blood count. The process of Blood count replacement he explained us. He asked us who was ready to donate the blood count. I told him I am fit and can donate. So Dr.Prasad gave me a form and told me to go to the blood bank and get the test done and again admitted Mr. Thakur. After settling there in the cabin I went for the test to the blood bank. The doctor asked me few questions and told me to sit on a chair and after that he took some blood for the test and told me to go. As I got up to go, I felt giddiness and sat there. The doctor told me to lie down there. After some time I got up the doctor told me sorry, your blood count cannot be taken, so we have rejected you for the same and he gave me the paper in which they had given the remarks that the donor had giddiness during blood test, so she is not fit for donating the blood count.


After I was rejected I was very depressed. I was walking towards the cabin and thinking what to do, just then I saw Dr. Kurian coming towards me. As he came near me he asked what did Dr. Prasad say. I narrated the whole situation and asked him now what to do, I don't have any donor. I literally started crying hearing his answer. He told me "don't worry if it is needed, I will donate my blood count". I could not imagine that a doctor can say this. I yet admire Dr. Kurian.

मेरी दूसरी कविता

"इच्छा "

मेरी बस इतनी सी इच्छा,
जीवन संग बिताऊँ।
पर क्या यह छोटी सी इच्छा,
थी उसको मंजूर।


मैंने तुमसे मांगाजब भी ,
मांगा बस संग देदो।
 क्या तुम बस इतनी सी इच्छा,
कर पाए मेरी पूरी।


मैंने सोचा एक इच्छा तुम,
 करते सबकी पूरी।
पर मैंने न जाना यह कि,
कभी न होगी पूरी।।

कुसुम ठाकुर
टैगोर एकाडमी
१८/११/१९९७
शाम ४:३० बजे

मेरी तीसरी कविता

"तुमसे न होगा "

तुम तो कहते थे हरदम ,
न होगा तुमसे कुछ भी ।
न जाने क्या भेद छुपा था,
इन सब बातों के पीछे।
या तो तुम मुझको यह कह कर,
मुझको मेरा काम सुझाते।
या तो फिर सच्चाई तुम,
मुझसे ही सुनना चाहते।
मैं तो हँसकर टाल ही जाती,
तुम जब जब भी यह कहते।
आज जब कुछ कहना चाहूँ,
तुमको ढूंढ कहीं न पाऊं ।

गर तुम होते पास हमारे,

कह -कह न मैं थकती।
या फिर मैं तुम्हारे रचना की,
एक पात्र बन जाती॥

-कुसुम ठाकुर-

टैगोर एकाडमी

समय-१२:30

मेरी पहली कविता

In November 1995 I joined National Association For Blind, Delhi. I use to stay with my sister in New Delhi. My younger son was studying in IIT Delhi at that time. From Delhi I came to Jamshedpur in February 1996, I had not vacated the TISCO flat by that time and had some paper work to be done regarding that. While my stay at Jamshedpur every day people use to come to meet me. I don't remember why, but I decided to stay back at Jamshedpur. Luckily I got a job in a school named Tagore Academy which was new and had some vacancy for teachers. After joining I liked that job.

One day during my off period I just wrote a poem , which is:

"कैसे भूलूं "

तुमको याद करुँ मैं इतना
मैं ख़ुद को ही भूल जाऊँ
मैं तो भूली ही कब तुमको
कहूँ न किया कब याद

इस हृदय की सारी बातें

एक तुम्हीं ने जाना

अब क्या धरा हुआ इस जग में

जो मैं इसकी हो जाऊँ

मेरी सारी खुशियाँ तुम थे

इस जग ने न जाना
रोम- रोम में तुम हो, तुम हो
मैं क्यों कर भूल पाऊं

तुम तो सदा कहा करते थे
तुम तो बस मेरी हो
पर तुम कभी न यह सोचे कि
तुम भी तो मेरे हो

बिना तुम्हारे इस दुनिया में
मैं कैसे रह पाऊं
इतना तो बस सोचे होते

मैं फिर धन्य हो जाती

कुसुम ठाकुर

टैगोर एकाडमी

१८/११/९७

समय -१२:४०

Vidyapati Sur Sandhya

Jamshedpur


Just now returned from a program. The program was "Vidyapati Sur Sandhya" presented by "Tarang" and organized by Mithila Sanskritik Parishad. I went with Poonam and Sallanji to watch the program.


I have never seen a program specially in Jamshedpur, which starts on time or on the time printed on the card nor told by the organizer. The time was printed on the card 6:15 pm, but it started at 6:45pm.


The program started with Vidyapati song : Jai Jai Bhairavi Asur bhayawani......., the song was sung by Shri Nilamber Choudhary very well, but I don't know why people were told to stand up. In Mithila and every where, people sit and sing the bhagwati geet(bhajan of goddess). It does not make sense to make artist stand and sing bhagwati geet. Even the audience were told to stand up for the song.


After Bhagwati vandana the welcome speech session started, guests were honored by Paag and Dopta . The person who was told to give speech on Vidyapati, tried her best to make the speech big and used all the possible words in praise of the chief guest and few guests. The singers with the musicians were sitting by the side of the stage till the speech was over which was looking very odd.When the welcome speech was finished, then it was the turn of guests to speak few lines and all of them did it in short and was messages for the society. The chief guest delivered a nice speech and suggested to take oath that all of us will not take dowry and will protest if someone takes the dowry. The Audience clapped on it, but I am sure except one or two person, those who were present in the auditorium will forget that clapping, why they had clapped.


Now the stage was handed over to pankajji for nritya natika (dance drama). It was a nice experiment and all the songs on which choreography was done was Vidyapati's rachna(songs). Over all, the nritya natika was liked by the audience. The second half of the program was called folk fusion, it had folk dance and songs. The folk dance was not so impresive but I enjoyed a folk dance very much and was emotional too. The lyrics was "madhur madhur baje bansuria re nache gopi bala.......,"composed by my husband Lallan Prasad Thakur and sung by Nilamberji.


I went fifteen years back, when Mr. Thakur composed the lyrics and directed the music of "madhur madhur.....". Those were the days when Balmukundji, a pillar of "Mithilakshar" was also in Jamshedpur. This music use to be directed by Mr. Thakur and sung by Nilamberji and Balmukundji use to paly the tabla.


Balmukundji is basically a nice gentle man which I have mentioned several times. In all the program since he use to be busy right from 9:00 am, so his clothes, I mean suit or pyjama kurta was brought by his wife Hemlataji and he use to change it in the makeup room. He was very fond of keeping himself fit and smart. Once he had to welcome the chief guest and invite him for a short speech. For that in Maithili, it's a courtesy to ask the guest to come and say" दू शब्द "(two words). After all his arrangements he went to the makeup room to dress himself, at the mean time it was the time for inviting the guest to lit the diya and give the speech, so Mr. Thakur after searching him told someone else to do that part. When Balmukundji came after dressing him self chief guest had finished his speech and was near the diya, so Balmukundji took the mike and invited the chief guest. In reply the chief guest said I have said दू शब्द, so now I will say चार शब्द.


Please Balmukundji if you read this blog, don't take it otherwise. It's just to revive the memories. Really while watching the folk dance madhur madhur..., instead of being in 21st century I was in 20th century.